Wedding season

Recently I got a call from female Pakistani friend of mine...

K: hi Katya, what's up? What are you doing tonight?

Me: i am going for a dinner with my colleagues from work. Why?

K: I am delivering methai to my relatives and friends, was hoping to meet you at the apartment.

Me: What is methai?

K: These are pakistani sweets that we deliver on engagement. You see I am getting married in March..

Me: Really? You never told me..

K: You know Katya I found it out a few weeks ago myself..

***

Many girls here in Pakistan do not have a problem of finding their husband.

According to Islam, one of the main duty of parents is to ensure that their daughter got married to a good guy.  Its called arrange marriage.

That's what my Pakistani friends shared with us about arrange marriages during one of the discussions on the roof.

Sana: First the family of the guy goes to the family of the girl but without the guy or girl. They don’t talk about them but try to find out if they are economically or cult

urally on the same level. The girl’s family is very concerned that the girl moves in to a similar family as their own one so that she doesn’t have to adjust.

Faisal: The girl isn’t marrying the guy but the family.

Sana: In the cities the two have the chance to meet and go out with frien

ds to get to know each other.

Umar: But obviously it is arranged, you cannot get to know each other too much. But then one is more open for compromise because the expectations are lower as for love marriages. I asked my mom about that. She said it’s different. If you know you have to spend the rest of your life with this person, so you take an extra effort.

Sana: My parents are in love even though it was arranged.

Umar: Here love starts after marriage because you spend so much time with each other. If I like a girl I can tell my mom and ask her to get to know the family and do it the arranged way. By the way, in the Quran it says that you cannot marry a woman without her consent.

Sana: I am in the favor of arranged marriage if both are completely ok with it without pressure. There is a difference between arranged and forced marriage.

Katya: What about the love that happened before you get married?

Sana: Either there is an ‘arranged’ love marriage or you ‘date’ when you are engaged. Often these engagements brake apart. The way we are brought up is different. I girl is brought up to be a good mother in law. To fall in love is too sinful and too strange and only fall in love with their husbands after marriage.

Interesting thing is how a girl and a guy meet for the first time. Guy and his family come to girl's family. They sit in the living room and talk about business, politics, weather etc. At some point, a girl (who was in her room during all these) is coming to serve tea. While she is serving tea, guy's mother is checking whether she is worth for proposal or not :)

At first I couldn't really get all these. How can it happen that love comes after marriage?!

Yet I understood it when I got to know Pakistani society a little better.

Everything here is built on networks. If you are from the good family and have connections with business and government authorities, and know the right people, you will find your way everywhere. That's why marriage is not about love (too vague to be considered!), but about connections. And.. in the end of the day, its not that bad if mom finds you a husband - why to struggle if there is an easier way?

***

So a girl and a guy decided to get married... What's next?

Wedding process in Pakistan consists of several events:

Mayoon is a custom of the bride entering into the state of seclusion eight to fifteen days before a wedding. Mayoon is usually taking place at bride's house, guests are singing songs and girls are putting henna on each others' hands.

Mehndi happens in 2-3 days prior to the wedding reception. Friends and family feed bride and groom with sweets, give money and out henna on their hands.

Dholki is another ceremony of singing traditional wedding and other popular songs, and dancing dances.

Nikah is the name of official wedding ceremony in Islam. Nikah usually happens in groom's house with only close faimily and friends present.

Shaadi (or Wedding reception) is the main wedding day. Shaadi is being hosted by bride's family and takes place in a brightly decorated tent or a hotel.

Final ceremony of the wedding is called walima. Walima is organized by groom's side and where a couple is treated as a husband and wife.

***

I remember how I was preparing for the first wedding to attend.

The most important part of preparation is the dress. Wedding dress should be made either of silk or thick cotton, with decorations and embroidery of different types.

2 weeks before the wedding Kaukab and Wardah went with me to the shop to help me choose the right material. We found extremely beautiful orange cloth with circles, which I gave to the designer for stitching and making design. 

After that, Kaukab and me went to choose bangles. Out of 1000 different types we choose organge-red churia which covered half of my hand...

In a day before the wedding I went to put henna on my hands - you already know that they call it mehndi. 

And the last task in the list was to find matching shoes. All shops in Zamzama (street where I live) were closed, so I went to Sunday bazaar with Biya to have a look for shoes there. Haven't found anything nice, I decided to borrow Biya's shoes instead.

After everything was bought and I got ready - so pretty! - Fahad came to pick me up.

Wedding lasted for 2 hours: all what we did is eating, taking pictures with bride and groom, and gossiping about dresses of other girls.

The funnyest thing happened on the next day when Kaukab called and said that I am invited for Walima in the evening - "And.. remember that you should wear a new dress!" ... :-)

***

Eid Mubarak!

Word 2003 doesn’t recognize the word Eid and marks it red even its one of the main holidays for Muslim society.

Eid in Pakistan started today :-) it’s the second Eid this year (first one was in October). I did morning exercises on the roof, ironed my new shalwar kameez, agreed on final celebration plan with Hassaan, closed laptop and went downstairs...

In the night before Eid people usually go for last minute shopping (churiya – bangles, clothes) and for putting mendi on hands. So we did take the opportunity to become more Pakistani :)

After we had finished with shopping, we went to the house of one of new AIESEC members, Hassaan, to celebrate Eid with his family. We all were extremely happy with such an invitation from Hassaan: what else can the foreigner in Pakistan dream about on Eid?! :) yet honestly I was not surprised – the hospitality of Pakistanis is something that I have never ever experienced before!

With our chand raat shopping we were late for a dinner, but it was very good anyways :)

Some games after food... And me and Jana went to sleep earlier than others – next day was expected to start at 7.30am.

When we woke up in the morning, men were already out for morning prayers. Women can go there as well, but they usually prefer staying at home. While men were gone, we got dressed in our made-for-Eid clothes and went to see the sacrifice of the animals…

Oh this is an interesting story :) Once upon a time (loooong time ago), God gave a son to Prophet Ibrahim when the Prophet was 70 years old. God did this to show that He exists and help people who have faith. 9 years passed, son became a young man, and God told The Prophet that if he’d got faith, he’d need to sacrifice his son by killing him. Many people asked Ibrahim not to follow these instructions, but his beliefs were so strong that he went with his son to a far away place, covered own yes and put the knife up in the air… When Ibrahim touched the body with a knife, took the scarf off and saw that his son was standing alive right near him, and there was a lamb that was killed. The reason is that God intervened and instead provided a lamb as the sacrifice. This is why today all over the world Muslims who have the means to, sacrifice an animal (usually a goat or a sheep), as a reminder of Ibrahim's obedience to God. The meat is then shared out with family, friends (Muslims or non-Muslims), as well as the poor members of the community.

I was very surprised to find out that Muslims usually buy an animal in advance, play with them, care about them, try to connect, and when they eventually start loving this animal, they need to kill it. The rational behind this is that Muslim should sacrifice the loved ones for obedience to God. God gives, God takes away…

So coming back to what happened in the morning today…

Everyone went on the street to see how people sacrifice goats and cows. When I came one cow was already lieing on the ground, and two goats were about to be sacrificed.

It’s definitely not an easy thing to watch… I could barely see it at first…

Yet after two goats I even went to see the same processes with a cow… Cow is obviously a lot bigger than a goat, so it’s tough to make it patient in order to cut the throat properly. Only professional can deal with a cow. A man takes a rope, puts it across legs of a cow and makes it lye on the ground until it gets calm. After that he takes a knife, finds the right place and cuts the vein.

My Pakistani friends told me that this vein connects brain and body thus cutting the vein the one cuts this connection, and an animal doesn’t feel anything.

Wanna see how the process goes? No way, that I will upload it here, pictures are more than enough for now :)))

Sacrifice of the animal is the main thing during Eid. Having experienced this, we went… to have breakfast :S Food as usual is amazing! Chken biryani, liver, kheer and my favorite paratha! Mmm!!! The rest of the day was long and lazy – I haven’t had similar kind of rest for a looong time, exactly what I needed!

Yeah, experiencing Pakistan is NOT an easy thing :-) but... so much fun!

Зима в Карачи

У меня в Пакистане началась зима.
Я знала, что пакистанская зима обычно начинается в ноябре. Но вот пришел ноябрь, мы вернулись в Карачи, а тут такая же жара, как и летом! Через несколько дней я спросила свою коллегу:

- Марьям, как узнать, что началась зима?

Марьям ответила:

- Когда ты замечаешь, что начала выключать вентиллятор в комнате, или что закрываешь окна на ночь, значит пришла зима.

Я так смеялась :)

Если в России зимой расходуется намного больше энергии, чем летом, то в Пакистане совсем наоборот - вентилляторы выключены, а значит электричества расходуется меньше.

Я даже забыла, что такое power cuts. Летом у нас отключали электричество по 2-3 раза на день на 2 часа каждый раз. Было весело :)

С наступлением зимы в Карачи усилился запах города... Тут и так очень своеобразный запах (я нигде до Пакистана такого запаха не чувствовала), а с зимой он стал еще сильнее, заметнее. Он везде - во дворе моего дома, в подъезде, в комнате.

А еще солнце стало другим. Таким, как ранней московской весной - в марте, когда только-только начинает сходить снег, но солнце брызжет во всю, так, что свет вокруг без конца и края, и люди снимают шапки, и смеются... Вот такое здесь солнце в начале зимы.

Но прячется солнце очень быстро, так что на ночь достаю шерстяной плед и грею молоко с медом. Готовлю зимний shalwar kameez (с длинными рукавами :) - для поездки в Лахор и Исламабад в конце декабря.

Russian Week

This week is a week of Russian movies in Russian cultural center in Pakistan.

I saw the advertisement about it on a wall in the supermarket - luckily last week - and told our interns and Pakistanis straight away! I was soo happy - Russian movies!..

So me, Jana and Vakar went to this place today to watch "Anna Karenina".
Movie was strange: actors were speaking in Russian, English and even in French with subtitles in English - cultural diversity :)

I was watching this movie and thinking about my country and how we lived at those times... Some things are so similar to current Pakistani society... Like as no one can understand and even escapes Anna Karenina when she divorces with her husband and start living with her lover - Alexei. Also, Russian villagers from those times ("крестьяне") reminded me about servants that there are here in every rich Pakistani house nowadays.

Vakar: I see that Russian traditions and culture are very similar to Pakistani culture, I can understand Russian people.
Me: yes, with 200 years difference :)

But these winter, churches, theaters, brave women and true love - like nowhere in the world.

We have Russian evening this Saturday on The Roof :-)

And I am in Moscow from 29th of December till 9th of January. See you all soon.

Trip to Lahore and Islamabad

In the beginning of November we had an AIESEC national conference in Lahore.
After that Joan, Jeremy and myself decided to take a little break from work and go around Lahore and Islamabad (which is 5 hours away from Lahore).

That's what we found...

On the way to Lahore... Bus stop in the middle of nowhere...

Badshahi Mosque and Lahore fortress

Badshahi Mosque - Inside

Faisal Mosque in Islamabad

Joan choosing shoes in kusas shop (kusas are traditional Pakistani shoes)

My first kusas :)

Mavra and Ayesha :)

Pakistani children...

There are times when I forget that I am in Pakistan... The image of the country that I had before coming here is far too different than what I am experiencing in reality...

Experiencing Ramadan in Pakistan

How I was making my shalvar kameez

Shalvar Kameez is a national dress of Pakistanis.

Shalvar stands for trousers, kameez for a shirt. Women also wear the third piece called dupatta which is a long scarf that can be used in various ways: as a cover for a head under the sun, bad sheet in the train, warm cloth for cold times, and, finally, a nice part of the dress. The brighter the dress the better, especially for official meetings and weddings happening all year round.

When a foreign women is wearing shalvar kameez, people treat her as a local. Otherwise all men stare at her at the streets, that happened with me as well.

To make my own shalvar kameez I followed several steps:

1. Took a rickshaw and went to a gulf market with Tabinda...

2. Chose a piece of cloth I liked (took quite some time :)

3. Went to a tailor, left my cloth for a week...

4. Enjoyed wearing my first Pakistani dress...

Show in the air

Last Sunday we visited another interesting place. It was not related to history, but sports.

One of my Pakistani friends, Sana, is fond of aircrafts. Once she found an association that is dedicated to aero modeling and operating planes. She took a course and learned how to make small planes move in the air. Now she goes there every Sunday, and that day she invited all of us as well.

The members of aircraft association have up to 20 different airplanes each. Small, medium and big machines are flying in the air making intricate movements. 6 months course, and you are a pilot of your own plane.

Visiting Mazar-e-Quaid

Yesterday we went to see the place called Mazar-e-Quaid or Jinnah's Mausoleum.

I suppose this is the most important historical monument out of all that are located in Karachi. I’d seen it on so many pictures before I came to Pakistan and was eager to visit it myself.

...You might be wondering who Junnah is :)

Muhammad Ali Jinnah was a Muslim politician and leader of the All India Muslim League who founded Pakistan in 1947 and served as its first Governor-General. He is officially known in Pakistan as Quaid-e-Azam, the farther of the nation.

Jinnah wanted Pakistan to be a secular state and he mentioned it many times in his speeches, but his ideology never fully materialised because he died just a year after independence of Pakistan in 1948.

Now about the building itself. The mausoleum was completed in 60’s and is made of white marble with curved Moorish arches and copper grills rest on an elevated 54 meters square platform. The cool inner sanctum reflects the green of a four-tiered crystal chandelier gifted by the people of China. Around the mausoleum there is a park fitted with strong beamed spot-lights which at night project light on the white mausoleum. The location is usually calm and tranquil which is significant considering that it is in the heart of one of the largest global megalopolises.

There is a gallery near the mausoleum; you can see clothes, cars, furniture that belonged to Jinnah. For instance, there is a sofa where the farther of the nation ‘had made important decisions’ that influenced life of so many Indians and - in the future - Pakistanis.

My work and home

I've drunk a strong chai (urdu word for 'tea', sounds familiar for Russians :-) and now don't feel like sleeping.

If so, let me tell you about my work and my home here in Pakistan.

For those who don't know, I am current Vice-President for Talent Management and Local Committees Development in AIESEC Pakistan. My term started on 1st of July this year and is supposed to last till 1st of July 2009. I am working in a team of four people: Jeremy from Australia is our President, Saaim and Mariam (both are Pakistani) are responsible for external relations and exchange program respectively.

Being in charge of talent management, I am handling all process related to this functional area such as: talent planning, talent recruitment, leadership development, and many others. Responsibility for LC development means reviewing organizational structure of local chapters and expansions to new universities (we are planning to open 3 more local entities till 2010).

The biggest challenge that AIESEC in Pakistan is facing at the moment is alignment between personal and organizational goals of its members that leads to the fact that potential of individuals is not fulfilled. Members are missing quality education, concept of training is unknown. Another challenge is a gap between the national body, which works quite professionally, and local chapters that do not even perceive themselves as an organization.

Being the one responsible for these issues, I have a chance to make a significant contribution to the organizational growth this year. I have a good plan, so lets hope it works, and wish me luck :-)

Besides, I am involved in local HR community in Karachi. HR market in Pakistan is very small, however the demand for this kind of services is huge, and every talent development professional coming to the country is very welcomed.

Apart from my work for internal AIESEC processes, I am an account manager for 2 our learning partners: Navitus (www.navitus.biz) and NarejoHR (www.narejohr.com). First of them is similar to intertraining (trainers' community in Russia) and second one is similar to Ward Howell (my previous employer company). Both are very professional, ambitious and worth learning from! Another company which core work is HR training and consulting is called Engage HR (www.engagehr.com), our intern Joan from Switzerland works there as a trainer. I need to mention that despite the market is small, HR internships organized by AIESEC Pakistan are known for their quality and challenging job descriptions.

My working conditions are very nice. We have a comfortable office with all needed infrastructure.

And this is my team: Jeremy, Mariam, me and Saaim.

Jeremy made a research about the working environment, that's why we recently changed an arrangement of the tables, so now we sit facing each other and not the white walls :)

Our working hours are from 9 am to 5 pm (thanks to Jeremy's social responsibility, we are working 35 hours per week like employees in Australia :)

When daily work is finished we go to our flat in Zamzama, or so-called Defense area. It is a commercial center of Karachi, all good shops, restaurants and some apartments including ours are located here.

This is our house:

This is our yard (children playing cricket):

This is how the flat looks inside:


This is a nice place to live, especially keeping in mind that not all Pakistanis can afford this kind of flat.

What I especially like about our apartment that we have a roof. It is one of highest roofs in Karachi, and it looks amazingly beautiful at nights. I will take pictures during the next roof gathering :)

Dear friends, have a good day.

Random occasion

Teemu (Finland) and me witnessed an interesting occasion on the street today...

In the afternoon we went to Khada market near our place to buy some books. When we were done with shopping and were ready to go home, we suddenly noticed a huge crowd running to the main road. People looked so worried that the first thought we had - 'any car accident?'

Surprisingly not! A shop assistant told us that a thief had stolen someone's mobile! And all these people went to see who was the thief in order to avoid meeting him next time!

Police arrived to check the passengers of the bus. Finally they found him on the bus's second floor.

Dinner at Saaim’s house

Saaim, my colleague from AIESEC, invited me and my friends to have a dinner at his place.

We were very happy to have a chance to visit Saaim’s house and try traditional Pakistani dishes.

I will give you a brief insight on living conditions in Pakistan.

Almost all young people I’ve met live with their families. Family is one of the core values of people in this society. People of one family group usually live together in a house (or several houses located next to each other, in case they have many relatives). When a son is getting married his wife moves to his house. When the son of this son is getting married, his wife is moving to this house too. That’s how family is growing :)

Another interesting fact, people tend to collect all the things that they got from previous generations. For instance, Saaim has a plate which was presented as a gift from his grand parents; this plate is almost 100 years old!

Now, if you have money, in Pakistan you can live purely light-hearted life! You can make everything done for you: hire cook and he will cook delicious food for you every day, hire driver and he will drive you wherever you want, hire a charlady and your house will be clean and shining all day long! I was surprised to find out that some of my friends have never traveled by bus, because they have two cars and a personal driver.

All in all, we had a very good dinner that day at Saaim’s house. We ate biryani, a typical Pakistani dish which is rice with meat and spices (masala); it can be also served with yogurt, to mild the taste. Food is a special theme for one of the next posts :-)

... Look how Menno (The Netherlands) and Jeremy (Australia) are relaxing in the living room!

Thank you, Saaim, for such a warm evening at your place!

Impressions - part 1

It’s been 2 weeks since I am in Karachi. Experience is very exciting, time goes fast, and it’s difficult to capture all the moments that I’ve had here so far. Yet I want to try to highlight the most interesting observations.

Safety. First thing that people asked me about Pakistan “Is it dangerous to live there?” Of course I couldn’t answer this question when I was at home, but now I can say that I feel completely safe here. Life is stable, no issues with any fights nor crimes. The area where I live is known as a posh area of Karachi: fancy shops, cafes and nice apartments are located here.

Hot weather. One of my biggest fears of coming to Pakistan was the fear of heat. I remember it was the first sunny day in Moscow, when I went to a park and had sunstroke followed by a strong headache. That day I asked myself if I really want to go to the country where they live in a heat throughout the whole year.

...It was 5 am of June 23rd when I landed in Karachi, 30 degrees in the air! Yet I felt quite fine. Now I even enjoy the time when we walk during the day; I don’t feel like putting any sunblock on my skin, because it doesn’t get burned; I don’t cover my head as I haven't experienced any headache caused by sun.

Road traffic. This is something I got surprised about at the first day when we had a ride around the city. I reckon that if a person can drive on Karachi roads, he/she will manage to drive in ANY country in the world! Common situation is when 3 to 5 cars that come from different directions are stuck in the middle of the road trying to find their way! No rules, no policeman, everything is about a personal choice drivers! And, surprisingly, I’ve not seen any accident on the road so far, though in Moscow I used to see them at least 2 times every week.

Buildings. Second most surprising thing for me was an outward appearance of buildings. If you have a look at my photos, you will see what I mean. 90% of buildings here look like they were destroyed by some accident… Even famous multinationals like ABN-AMRO are located into grey half-ruinous houses!

However, the most interesting observation comes when you come inside… Clean, shining spaces, rich décor, and nice smells. Unbelievable! Pakistanis have different opinions about the reasons for that. I will write more about buildings later as well.

Cloths. “I take a bigger bag when I go out for a weekend!” – said one of my colleagues when he saw the bag that I came with :) When I was packing, I thought I wouldn’t be able to wear most of the cloths I wear in Moscow. It turned to be right to some extent. I can’t wear skirts and T-shirts in the office, however I can wear them at home. Besides, I was happy to find out that I can wear my favorite dress (which is pretty short!) … with trousers! Such a combination looks even more beautiful than a single dress!

For those who asked me, it’s not necessary to wear hidzhab here (piece of cloth that Muslim women cover heads with), a girl can wear it only if she wants, no one is going to force her doing that. Most of women that I meet on the streets cover their heads, but none of my female colleagues or friends does.

Traditional cloth is called ‘shalvar kamyz’ which stands for shirt and trousers that are usually worn with a kerchief. How it works. You buy a piece of cloth you want and go to a tailor who makes a shalvar kamyz for you. You can choose ANY cloths you want for your shalvar kamyz, there are different types and colors available: the ones for official meetings, the ones for home and walk, all of them are very, very beautiful! Yesterday I bought 2 types of cloth for my shalvar kamyz, let’s see how my new dress will look like...

These are some of my first impressions about Karachi.
In the next days, I am going to continue writing about impressions, events that are taking place, as well as about my work.

First week in Karachi

Story continues...

Remember Taly from Dubai? (see previous post). So next day I get a call from him in Karachi. Taly invites me for a dinner with his family! I thought 'great!' Pakistanis thought "that's dangerous!" Here it's really uncommon for a girl to meet with almost unknown person in the evening!

So they suggested that another guy from my team would go with me, Saaim.
Saaim and me, both quite suspicious, went to the dinner. It turned to be the warmest welcome event ever! Taly has a big family, all of them are extremely nice people. Besides we tried amazing Pakistani food! Oh unbelievable, my first day in Karachi, and I am experiencing that cultural involvement already! What is going to be next?

***

During the following days:

- cricket match Pakistan - India within Asia Cap 2008 championship... India won, but still we enjoyed the game for 8 (!!!) hours , and i even understood the rules!

- meeting with Russian guy living in Pakistan... are you curious how i got his contacts? I went for a company meeting with NarejoHR (which is a learning partner of AIESEC), and when our contact person found out that I am from Russia, she remembered that her son has a Russian friend here in Karachi, and gave me his phone number straight away! At the evening on the same day I already knew Sergey! Seriously, that's how networking happens here, I love this country!

- bye-bye evening of Mike... Mike is from Kenya, he's been in Pakistan for a year on an internship, but he is leaving soon... We've become good friends with him, it's sad he will stay for longer..

- and exciting work! I've had meetings with 2 HR companies in Karach: NarejoHR (www.narejoHR.com) and Navitus (www.navitus.biz), both are extremely smart! I will tell you more about them later.

***

A short insight on my life here...

I live in the house with people from 10 different cultures. I've never laughed as much as I do here, and I've never played so many jokes on people as now. Every evening is someone's birthday/cultural night/random walk to the beach. Lots of work that I enjoy!

How does it looks like here in Karachi?

... view from my balcony


... view from the window


... street view


... Go Pakistan (cricket match)

Have a look at other photos here: http://picasaweb.google.ru/ekaterina.khaletskaya/FirstWeekInKarachi

Again, to be continued :)