Wedding season

Recently I got a call from female Pakistani friend of mine...

K: hi Katya, what's up? What are you doing tonight?

Me: i am going for a dinner with my colleagues from work. Why?

K: I am delivering methai to my relatives and friends, was hoping to meet you at the apartment.

Me: What is methai?

K: These are pakistani sweets that we deliver on engagement. You see I am getting married in March..

Me: Really? You never told me..

K: You know Katya I found it out a few weeks ago myself..

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Many girls here in Pakistan do not have a problem of finding their husband.

According to Islam, one of the main duty of parents is to ensure that their daughter got married to a good guy.  Its called arrange marriage.

That's what my Pakistani friends shared with us about arrange marriages during one of the discussions on the roof.

Sana: First the family of the guy goes to the family of the girl but without the guy or girl. They don’t talk about them but try to find out if they are economically or cult

urally on the same level. The girl’s family is very concerned that the girl moves in to a similar family as their own one so that she doesn’t have to adjust.

Faisal: The girl isn’t marrying the guy but the family.

Sana: In the cities the two have the chance to meet and go out with frien

ds to get to know each other.

Umar: But obviously it is arranged, you cannot get to know each other too much. But then one is more open for compromise because the expectations are lower as for love marriages. I asked my mom about that. She said it’s different. If you know you have to spend the rest of your life with this person, so you take an extra effort.

Sana: My parents are in love even though it was arranged.

Umar: Here love starts after marriage because you spend so much time with each other. If I like a girl I can tell my mom and ask her to get to know the family and do it the arranged way. By the way, in the Quran it says that you cannot marry a woman without her consent.

Sana: I am in the favor of arranged marriage if both are completely ok with it without pressure. There is a difference between arranged and forced marriage.

Katya: What about the love that happened before you get married?

Sana: Either there is an ‘arranged’ love marriage or you ‘date’ when you are engaged. Often these engagements brake apart. The way we are brought up is different. I girl is brought up to be a good mother in law. To fall in love is too sinful and too strange and only fall in love with their husbands after marriage.

Interesting thing is how a girl and a guy meet for the first time. Guy and his family come to girl's family. They sit in the living room and talk about business, politics, weather etc. At some point, a girl (who was in her room during all these) is coming to serve tea. While she is serving tea, guy's mother is checking whether she is worth for proposal or not :)

At first I couldn't really get all these. How can it happen that love comes after marriage?!

Yet I understood it when I got to know Pakistani society a little better.

Everything here is built on networks. If you are from the good family and have connections with business and government authorities, and know the right people, you will find your way everywhere. That's why marriage is not about love (too vague to be considered!), but about connections. And.. in the end of the day, its not that bad if mom finds you a husband - why to struggle if there is an easier way?

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So a girl and a guy decided to get married... What's next?

Wedding process in Pakistan consists of several events:

Mayoon is a custom of the bride entering into the state of seclusion eight to fifteen days before a wedding. Mayoon is usually taking place at bride's house, guests are singing songs and girls are putting henna on each others' hands.

Mehndi happens in 2-3 days prior to the wedding reception. Friends and family feed bride and groom with sweets, give money and out henna on their hands.

Dholki is another ceremony of singing traditional wedding and other popular songs, and dancing dances.

Nikah is the name of official wedding ceremony in Islam. Nikah usually happens in groom's house with only close faimily and friends present.

Shaadi (or Wedding reception) is the main wedding day. Shaadi is being hosted by bride's family and takes place in a brightly decorated tent or a hotel.

Final ceremony of the wedding is called walima. Walima is organized by groom's side and where a couple is treated as a husband and wife.

***

I remember how I was preparing for the first wedding to attend.

The most important part of preparation is the dress. Wedding dress should be made either of silk or thick cotton, with decorations and embroidery of different types.

2 weeks before the wedding Kaukab and Wardah went with me to the shop to help me choose the right material. We found extremely beautiful orange cloth with circles, which I gave to the designer for stitching and making design. 

After that, Kaukab and me went to choose bangles. Out of 1000 different types we choose organge-red churia which covered half of my hand...

In a day before the wedding I went to put henna on my hands - you already know that they call it mehndi. 

And the last task in the list was to find matching shoes. All shops in Zamzama (street where I live) were closed, so I went to Sunday bazaar with Biya to have a look for shoes there. Haven't found anything nice, I decided to borrow Biya's shoes instead.

After everything was bought and I got ready - so pretty! - Fahad came to pick me up.

Wedding lasted for 2 hours: all what we did is eating, taking pictures with bride and groom, and gossiping about dresses of other girls.

The funnyest thing happened on the next day when Kaukab called and said that I am invited for Walima in the evening - "And.. remember that you should wear a new dress!" ... :-)

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